Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Project Life 2014: Weeks 11 and 12

Week 11: pie, paint, and precious moments. Oh, and so much work. But there were also tacos. So overall, I think it was a darn good week!

Reconnecting with old friends is not always a fruitful endeavor -- time does a lot to people, and it's so much more likely that, after all that passed time, two people grow apart and in different directions than parallel... but it's always such a pleasant surprise when that reconnection goes well. I've been lucky enough to reconnect with two old friends of mine recently who are just absolutely fabulous, and have grown into strong, smart, respectable women. I'm extremely lucky.

Also, it doesn't hurt that they love food, too. :)

Jordan painted a wall in the bedroom this amazing traffic light green, and it really feels like our room now. There's something so comforting about that shade of green to me, pleasant associations. Definitely a good call.

Week 12 was rough. The picture of me and Wally sleeping in the left corner? That was pretty much what I looked like any time I wasn't working or studying for my insurance license. I was able to take a day and get some time in with Jordan, picking Torchlight 2 back up, but I was pretty much wrecked from exhaustion and cramming information into my brain most of the week.

Jordan was kind enough to send me some pictures from a hike he went on with Wally, so I included those. He's been doing that more, which I love, because it's not Project Kayla's Life (though it feels like it sometimes). His little contributions are very sweet and really give it depth for me.

I hope your week is going well, friends. Thank you for all of your kind words to my last post; you truly are the best.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

On Making The Best Of Loneliness

I used to be pretty good at being alone. When I was a kid, I was way more content sitting in my bedroom, bulky headphones on, waiting for my favorite songs to come on the radio so I could hopefully hit the Rec button in time to save it to a blank cassette than I ever was playing in the schoolyard at recess. I enjoyed my alone time, when I could sit and swim happily in not having to impress anyone - or get made fun of - and was just really good at hanging out in daydreams alone.

Fast-forward, and I'm married and everything is great. I have a lifelong best friend and partner-in-stuff, and most evenings we sit and enjoy dinner together and talk about our days and laugh at each other and get all of that weirdness out that we kept inside while we were going about our day with other people that weren't each other. Every day, we get some time together, and it's comfortable and I am happy.

Jordan is going to DevBootCamp next week, meaning he's going to be spending about 12+ hours a day, 7 days a week in San Francisco, learning to code. I am absurdly proud of him -- he has been working so hard and is so dedicated to making this happen. I am so proud. That trumps everything: he is going to DBC to invest in his future and in our future, and that is number one.

... The only thing, though, is that I'm going to hardly see him for 9 weeks. By the time he gets home, I'm likely to be in bed after having worked my own terribly long day, and even if I weren't, he is likely to need to hit the sack with his head full of code.

So, what that means is, I'm going to have time to fill. A lot of it. I'm trying my hardest not to turn inward and say "Oh god, I'm going to be so alone," because that will do nothing but turn me into a big ball of dark sadness, and that's no good for anyone. Instead, I'm trying very hard to focus on what this is: an opportunity.

It's an opportunity for Jordan to acquire an invaluable skillset, along with the confidence that comes along with knowing what he wants to do for work. It's also an opportunity for me to catch up on things that I maybe wanted to do but didn't because relationship maintenance came first.

It's a chance for me to call friends, try new food, go on new adventures. I want to try indoor rock climbing, I want to pick yoga up again and establish a solid, important, and regular practice. I want to spend more time writing here, taking pictures, practicing my script, reading books. I want to take this time to remember what it was like to be happy hanging out with myself. I will be going to a lot of baseball games alone.

I am going to do good things for me, while Jordan does good things for him, and we will come back together after the 9 weeks are up more whole and happy to have our moments together.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Hello, Monday: v2

Monday: full of droopy eyes and big yawns and eyes crossing at full inboxes... here's my attempt at trying to reclaim Mondays as a new start and happy day by sharing something that brings me joy. Be it a song or a photo or a story, I want to get this week started off right!

On Saturday, I'm standing in line for a sandwich with Jordan, when a poster in their window catches my eye:

I see the words "yoga," "stargazing," and "archery," and okay poster, you have my attention. 

It is essentially summer camp for grownups, with all phones turned off, no talk about work, no digital cameras (but analog are okay!), and just letting loose and enjoying being alive without all that pressure of daily adult life.

Kickball. Hiking. Painting. Dancing. Solar carving (?!). S'mores-ing. No drugs, no alcohol, just fun and acceptance and joy.

And my heart explodes.

I've spent the last couple days trying to figure out how to make this work. How to go. Would it really be fun? Would I be comfortable? Do I have a sleeping bag? Would it be nice in theory but end up awkward, with cliques and cool kids, just like summer camp?*

Truth is, it just won't work for me this year. It takes place while Jordan is at Dev Bootcamp, I'll be taking care of the pup and cats by my lonesome, and I really can't afford to take the time off of work.

But damned if I'm not going next year. No excuses. No hesitation. I won't be young forever, and truth is, I don't feel all that young anymore -- but the idea of stealing into the woods and learning archery and pickling and meditating among redwoods and not worrying about my phone buzzing or people talking about their college majors and job titles... just people having fun for the sake of fun... oh, it just sounds blissful. I'm glad something like this exists.

Next year. Next year. Next year.

*Okay, so I never went to summer camp. But summer camp must have had those things, right? 

Friday, April 11, 2014

Project Life 2014: Weeks 9 & 10

Week 9 was a blast! Jordan and I picked out paint for some rooms in the house, I went to a company party, and did lots of cooking! Oh, and there was rain -- so nice for a drought-addled California!

My friend Devora and I made these amazing homemade pizzas (right down to the dough!) and to top them off, added an egg. Because if you liked it then you shoulda put an egg on it: that's pretty much my food motto.

Week 10 was fun! I painted a wall in my office a fun light aqua blue, went to see Jordan's band play, and "celebrated" Wally's 1st birthday. I put that in quotes because we didn't quite have the party we wanted to throw for him (truth be told, time got away from us), but he was still spoiled rotten with love and treats.

I love the "RATE THIS" stamp from Kellie Stamps. It worked perfectly with the quote are I used to remember a funny thing a friend said... definitely 5 stars worth of laughs. ;) I love my friends. They are the best.

Almost all caught up!

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Opening Day 2014

Opening Day 2014 from Kayla Kamin on Vimeo.
Song: "Rec & Play" by I'm From Barcelona

It's no secret that I love baseball. It was a long, cold, lonely 5 1/2 months without it, so when Opening Day rolled around, I was on cloud nine! I put together a Spark video of our first day back to the ballpark -- it doesn't capture 100% of the pure joy Jordan and I experienced back at Coliseum, but it does a pretty decent job at capturing the spirit. :)

"Baseball is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blooms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the winter alone." - A. Bartlett Giamatti

Oh, it's good to be back -- and with season tickets!