Caitlin recently wrote a post with some of her "confessions" and I'm taking a cue from her today to come clean with some stuff.
1. My canine teeth grew in weird as a kid, so it looks like I have fangs. Which has taken me over 20 years to become okay with. I was pretty poor as a kid, so braces were out of the question. I'm comfortable with myself now, however reversing 20+ years of never feeling comfortable smiling with my teeth showing and therefore just not ever smiling with teeth or even laughing without covering my mouth has proven quite difficult. I'll get there though! All in good time.
2. I hate 99% of parties. I really, really do. Not only do I not drink, which seems to be a large focus at many social gatherings and other various get-togethers, but I'm bloody awful at making conversation. I've never made good first impressions and I stutter and blush and get confused when I'm talking to someone I'm not comfortable with. Especially because it usually ends up as "Want a beer? No? You don't drink? Uh... why?" accompanied with a look of confusion. I mean, I suppose that begs the question how I ended up with all the awesome buddies I have now, and really, I don't have any other answer other than "I was just extraordinarily fortunate." And truly, at the end of the day, I'd most likely rather just go home and make tacos and play a board game with a few close friends, than stand in a corner drinking water from a solo cup and making awkward conversation.
3. I have little tolerance for rude people, but don't speak up nearly enough. Sometimes people are really mean for no reason (I'm thinking about you, angry older redheaded woman who apparently "can't stand for more than 5 minutes" but I've seen stand for more than 5 minutes and feels it necessary to bark orders at people on the train platform like "TURN DOWN YOUR HEADPHONES"). Sometimes I feel like I might be invisible when I walk down the street because people really enjoy running into me and not even saying anything like "Excuse me" or "I'm sorry." Things like this happen all the time, and 1/100th of the time I'll say something. It makes me feel bad, not standing up for myself or others against offenses like that, but I'm terrible at confrontation and every time I have, I turn bright red, stutter, speak poorly, and feel like I might cry... so usually I can't bring myself to open my mouth and just sit and stew. It's a damn shame.
4. I fluctuate between being inspired about blogging to hating blogging, usually making that trek about once a day. I usually have "blogging is a bore" moments any time I feel like I'm due for a post and can't think of anything. It is especially difficult because usually I feel like a fraud when I jump on blogging bandwagons and post things like "My Life In Instagram Photos" or "If you really knew me, you'd know _____" because it just doesn't feel natural or inspired (present post excluded, of course, but may I point out that I've been seeing these "confession" posts forEVER and could never bring myself to do one). Some days I read other blogs and I'm inspired and excited about the community and the individuals and the creativity and I write and schedule 7 blog posts... but other days I feel pressured (by myself, mostly) and uncomfortable with feeling like I should be doing things I'm not interested in in order to achieve a level of success in the blog world (which is a silly thing in itself, if I'm being honest here). So then I get defiant, say "Well that's dumb, I don't care," and this blog sits dormant until I can bring myself to say "No one dictates my blog but ME! I'm gonna talk about my crooked teeth; suck it, fashionistas!" and then posts like these are born. It's a very odd swing of things; peaks and valleys, ups and downs, deserts and oceans. It probably makes me a very unpredictable blogger - which, if all those other blogs are true, is bad bad bad because to be a good blogger one must have a theme and a voice and a vision and consistency and a schedule and branding and recurring features and pretty pictures and ZZZZZZzzzzzz - but... well, no one dictates my blog but me, so hey, I'm gonna not do those things if I don't want to and I'm gonna try to not pressure myself to keep a consistent blogging schedule. That's when things become filler and fluff, and I don't want my blog to have any filler or fluff.
Unless the fluff is actually marshmallows, in which case this blog probably needs more fluff.
Also, my readers are the shit and I like the interactions we have. (psssst -- that includes you!)
Well, that turned into something other than originally intended, and I can't help but feeling that I come across as a bit of an asshole there, but oh well. Maybe I'm just PMSing [hint: I'm not, and that article is a good read about the usage of that as an excuse for a bad mood, with some good societal points to consider].